He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
