i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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