She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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