My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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