i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We are all done wearing pants today
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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