shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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