I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
