I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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