I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
