I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
