I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
