I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
