You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
