she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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