I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
