I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
