my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
