Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
