I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm really busy with my period
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