I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
