His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
