I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
