I hate all girls vehemently.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
