he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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