I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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