Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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