I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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