i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
