I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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