If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
