Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
