i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
