why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
