Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
