oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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