ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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