made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
