tell your sister to shave her snatch
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
