Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
