There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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