Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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