His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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