Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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