I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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