I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
