so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm really busy with my period
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