This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
