Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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