no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
