I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
