There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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