fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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