Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
